It’s humiliating.
Someone said something, reacting to something I had said. And she took it all the way the wrong way and laid into me.
Which could be humiliating.
But the part that was the most humiliating? The part that I let it get to me.
It threw me off all day. My sense of myself was totally rocked.
It could have been because I hadn’t had enough sleep.
The fact that the attack happened in the morning meant I was distracted and didn’t pay attention to getting a healthy breakfast didn’t help at all.
I started to doubt everything about myself, and hate my life.
I spiralled into negative thinking so fast I started a tornado.
This used to happen more often. I learned a few coping mechanisms to pull out of all that.
It took concentrated effort and to be honest quite a few tears.
I am glad that I was alone quite a bit of the time while I was at work so I could feel all the feels and work it out.
I wrote down on a paper all the things that I was feeling that I DIDN’T want to feel.
I wrote that on the left side of the page.
Then on the right, I wrote down the exactly opposite. That was what I really wanted to feel.
Beloved
Graceful
Wise
Fierce
…to name a few. I felt a little better, and decided to get a good night’s sleep tonight and start over in the morning.
I didn’t really want to come here and blog. But I really did, because it matters to me.
Then I realized, this is a common feeling for women. And especially women who are sleep deprived. Like many pregnant women. Or new mothers.
So, even though it was a hard day for me I figured I would share it and let any of you who have felt this way know you are not alone.
And a lot of those tools I’ve learned I’m happy to share with my Pregnant Professional tribe. You are beloved, wise, graceful and fierce too.
I remind you so you can feel it too.